A word on vet visits, from your friendly neighborhood RVT:

1. It is NOT funny when your 135 lb German Shepherd growls at the 135 lb veterinary technician.  I promise, it’s really not. Don’t be shocked and appalled when I ask you to muzzle that motherfucker. Socialize your dog!
2. It might be a good idea to tell me "oh, she bites" BEFORE she actually bites.
3. Your adorable, friendly, energetic lab puppy, for whom you declined all obedience training, is now 65 lbs of crazy train. Seriously, do you let him do a few lines before each appointment? No, I'm sorry, we can't trim his nails today. I left my helmet and mouth guard at home. 
4.  I can also promise you that I am not “just in it for the money”. The next person who says this to me will get my pay stub waved in their face. Do NOT make it my problem that you cannot afford a "flea treatment" for $17.
5. If your dog shits or pisses in the lobby, tell someone. We're not going to rub your nose in it. (Don't do that, by the way.)
6. Euthanasias are terrible, for everyone involved. Please make it less so by not bringing your other pets and young children to the appointment. They truly do not understand, and having to wrench your 18 year old cocker spaniel out of your 3 year old screaming child's arms is not something that I ever want to do again.
7. Please plan ahead, especially around the holidays. Do not call the day before Thanksgiving demanding ear medication without an appointment because "you don't have time to bring him in". That ear infection didn't brew up overnight, I can promise you that.
8. Your veterinarian may require annual (or more frequent) bloodwork, especially if your pet is older or on daily medication. This is for your PET'S HEALTH, not the almighty dollar. Again, pay stub waving.
9. Are you seriously going to take the breeder's advice on vaccinations, or listen to the veterinarian who had 8 years of schooling IN THIS FIELD? There is no "all-natural" cure for parvovirus.
10. Speaking of all-natural, don't douse your dog in apple cider vinegar, or garlic, or whatever else google tells you to do for fleas. He will still have fleas, but smell worse. FRONTLINE, PEOPLE! 
11. Don't get on the internet to diagnose your dog before your appointment. Just don't.
12. I could write an entire blog post on stool samples, but here are a few tips:

• There is really no need to quadruple-bag (all of which are double knotted) and THEN wrap the stool sample in a kleenex. One of us has to separate that shit out in the back. 
• Don't leave that shit in your purse!!! Gross.
• Don't drop it on the front counter. Double gross.
• We don't need the ENTIRE bowel movement. A teaspoon will do. (Imagine...Great Dane puppy).

I really do like my job. I drive an hour one way, 4-5 days a week. It is rewarding to watch your puppy grow with your family, to nurse an animal back to health, and to see how happy they are when they finally get to go home. We work long hours, get shit on (literally and figuratively), bitten, scratched, and just generally beat the fuck up. Be nice to your vets, techs, and assistants.

Sam, OUT.